Contrary to popular belief, domestic violence really is everybody's business. And, chances are, you already know someone ... a neighbor, a family member, a friend, a co-worker, a fellow church member ... who is in an abusive relationship. Choose to get involved, to care and reach out to help her. You don't have to be an expert in order to help, either. Just letting her know that you are concerned and being a caring friend can break through the isolation, denial, shame, and stigma of abuse.

Helping a friend who is being abused

• Just be a good listening ear and let her know that you do not judge her for her situation.
• Let her know that the abuser's behavior is unacceptible, that there isn't any excuse for his abusiveness, that it is not her fault, nor does she deserve the abuse.
• Help her to feel that she is not alone in her circumstance and help her locate and connect with local domestic violence programs and other resources.
• Help her to understand some things about domestic violence, such as: it rarely goes away on its own, that abusers don't change, that it usually gets worse over time, and that it's a crime.
• Help her develop a safety plan, including: keeping money, important documents, a change of clothes, and an extra set of keys at a friend's or relative's house.
• Decide beforehand what other ways, if any, that you would feel comfortable helping her if she decides to leave the relationship.
• Educate yourself further about domestic violence in all of its forms. Read some books or seek advise and information from a family violence program or shelter.

How to help her if she decides to not leave or to return to the abuser

• encourage her to keep a log of what is happening to her, including evidence of threats sent in letters, email, or left on voice mail or answering machines.
• help her identify resources to help her take care of herself, be an emotional support for her, and build her self-esteem.
• suggest that she get photos of her injuries and keep them in a safe place. She may be able to do this by telling a doctor or nurse about the abuse and getting them to take the photos. These can be very helpful later on if she takes legal action against her abuser.
• Help her to develop a home safety plan for her children for times when the abuse happens.

What to do if you witness an assault

• call 911 immediately
• if it is happening outside or in a car, write down the license plate number, color, type, and make of the car and the exact location
• keep yourself safe. Trying to intervene directly to stop the attack is not recommended.
• don't assume that someone else is reporting it or getting help.
• just do something! Abuse survivors say that they felt even more isolated and alone when they know someone saw the abuse but failed to acknowledge it or get help.